You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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