Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
