Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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