my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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