can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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