i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
