absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
