Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
