I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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