i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
