I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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