well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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