you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
