Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
