Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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