i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
