I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
