We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
