Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
