Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
