Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
