You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Oh god it's open bar.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
