I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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