Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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