I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
