My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am naked and annoyed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
