I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
