i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Couch. On fire.
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