Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And then he peed in my hair
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