Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
