is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
