this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
