it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
