weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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