then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
