Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
