Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
