yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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