so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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