as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
