Can i not drive my cunt home
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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