you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
