she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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