we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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