I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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