I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
