I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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