My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
