just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
