can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
