so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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