I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
