Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
