I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
