My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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