We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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