Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
