she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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