Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
