my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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