I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
