my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
