Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
