i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize