Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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