After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
