tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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