Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
