Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize