The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
