I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
