My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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