I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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