she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
